I Won't Lie. I'm Not Doing Fine.

I Won't Lie. I'm Not Doing Fine.

Nearly every day since we arrived in Bogotá, I've woken up, feeling like someone else. I'm drained of energy, excited about almost nothing. My usual smile has been replaced by an expression that's somewhere between pensive and just plain sad. 

As a chronic over-thinker, I want to be able analyze it and explain it. Is there something called altitude sadness? I mean, we are over 8000 feet here in Bogotá. Could it be the fallout of the disappointments I've recently experienced in my personal life? That seems more likely.  

Or maybe after eight months of travel, I'm just done. 

In any case, these past few weeks have been some of the loneliest and hardest I've experienced in a long time, and I'll admit that I've Googled flights back to the U.S. on more than one occasion (Because Portland in January sounds oh-so-cheerful, right?). 

A few of the things I've done to deal with these feelings are: 

  • Exercised. I joined one of those 30-day challenges. If nothing else, I'll gain some physical strength while the rest of my wellbeing takes a nose dive. (Side note: doing plank for more than 20 seconds is really fucking hard.)
  • Read, listened to and watched spiritual content. I'm particularly interested in Buddhism, and its teachings feel especially relevant to me right now. 
  • Talked to friends, family members and my life coach. 
  • Allowed myself to just feel like crap.
  • Eaten tons of fruits and vegetables (I had cantaloupe and cauliflower for dinner last night). 
  • Distracted myself by watching silly TV shows.
  • Wrote my thoughts and feelings down, like I'm doing right now. 
  • Forced myself to leave the apartment, even if it's just to walk to the store. 

While none of the above efforts have magically released me from the January blues, they all provide a slight bit of temporary relief, and a feeling that I'm least caring for myself. 

We leave Bogotá this weekend, and we'll head to Colombia's second largest city, Medellín. Perhaps the change of scenery, climate and everyday environment will shake me back to my old self.

In the meantime, if you see me, I probably need a hug. 

On Malls and Mountains

On Malls and Mountains

On Being a True Friend

On Being a True Friend